Hey Frantark! I did my fair share of dating before I got married (now almost 20 years of ball 'n chain). For me - diabetes was never an issue in the dating area. I had diabetes - and that was it - it came along with my personality, yadda, yadda, yadda - so maybe it helped me? I'm not sure. I asked my husband last night after reading your question - if my having diabetes was a problem when we first started dating - and he simply said "No". He said what had impressed him in the beginning was when we first met - and I arrived at a party with my 6-pack of non-alcoholic beer (also I think my flower power overalls I'd made from drapery material kind of wowed him - talk about not being a "wall flower"). I guess because it's never been a big issue with me that people know I'm a diabetic as well if they find out - that can make a difference in how you are to people. Also, most people don't even know I am diabetic (are we supposed to have the 6,6,6 sign somewhere in our scalp? LOL). I do not act any more different then "they" do (why should I?) - except when I would occassionally go into a hypo - but I have hypo awareness still after 40 years - so I rarely get to that out of control state. I find it so sad what I read about Elena's cousin - hopefully she has met someone that doesn't have that mentality that he did!!
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Anna from Montreal
*****************
Diagnosed 1968
Presently using Animas 2020
Oct 2008 - A1C of 5.9
10/01/2008 05:04 PM
19556
Posts: 8
Joined: 05/20/2005
Hey Doris,
Aren't you being a little hard on Frantark? Most people are conditioned to recoil at the sight of needles. Not if you have diabetes of course, but here in the US at least we've all been bombarded with "Stay away from Drugs", especially hard drugs which involve needles. As a kid I hated going to the pediatrician- why? Needles- most of which ended up painfully in my backside! So it takes some emotional recalibration, I think, for adults dating someone for whom needles and drugs (life-saving ones) are a fact of life... Just my 2 Cents-
09/24/2008 02:54 PM
dorisjdickson
Posts: 28
Joined: 07/18/2008
Hi,
I get the feeling you're not entirely comfortable in your own diabetic shoes. Have you been a diabetic for a while?
Ironically, I can't even think of a time when I thought telling a potential date was a problem. Maybe I'm silly; I don't know.
I think of it more as a test of them these days. They've got to fit into my world because it's part of who I am, who I will always be and since I plan to be a healthy diabetic forever ... well, accomodating my needs has to be primary or I won't be here to date.
I've had two instances with long-term significant others where their own selfish desires were placed in front of my eating needs. I don't accept that and they heard about it. In those cases, it's not even like it was something new.
I don't drink because of diabetes and I make that very clear. Peer pressure didn't work when I was a kid and it isn't going to work now.
Normally, when asked or observed (taking insulin or checking blood sugar), I turn diabetes into a learning session ... for others. Most are interested. Those who aren't ... they walk away and I get the hint. But I don't change my habits ...
Doris
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Doris
diagnosed juvenile-onset diabetes 11/2/76
09/24/2008 02:06 PM
frantark
Posts: 3
Joined: 02/27/2008
I've still been thinking about this - dating and diabetes - does it matter... I've come to the conclusion that everyone has some kind of skeleton in the closet. Mine happens to be diabetes. I don't think it's a deal breaker and if it is, maybe it's the other person with the problem not me. Has anyone unveiled having diabetes in a way they thought was successful. I find I'm not as smooth as I could be with the delivery. I get nervous and put myself in situations where people will notice vs. being proactive and creating the opportunity for a conversation. Help?
06/27/2008 03:54 PM
Elena_Ivanova
Posts: 8
Joined: 01/14/2008
Hey 19556,
Sometimes people do not want to make the same mistakes. My cousin does not want to meet a guy she likes and the whole story to repeat again. She had a painful break-up and most of the people in those situation would try to analyze the issue and try to change their approach for the future.
06/24/2008 03:29 PM
19556
Posts: 8
Joined: 05/20/2005
Hey Elena,
Vanessa "dodged a bullet". Eric's response to her diabetes seems like total B**S***- giving flowers and say he still liked her but couldn't trust her. IMHO he was looking for a quick way out of the relationship. Everyone has some health problem at some point- including dying. I don't blame Vanessa for not wanting to be "defined" by her diabetes. Why does she have to tell anybody right away? Why not let it come out naturally as an aside? Eric was a jerk & a coward, most other people aren't.
06/23/2008 03:16 PM
Elena_Ivanova
Posts: 8
Joined: 01/14/2008
When my cousin started dating her ex-boyfriend Eric two years ago she had the same problem: how to tell the truth about her diabetes?! The biggest issue for her was that Eric was coming from a wealthy and most importantly very healthy family. Vanessa (my cousin) heard her bf's dad saying something like: "all those people with health problems are simply lazy part of the society. If you take care of yourself properly any type of illness will never happen to you". The time was passing by and Vanessa and Eric's relationship became more intimate. At that stage, she liked him a lot but felt sick of hiding the truth about diabetes. It was a warm night outside and you could see the stars on the sky. Vanessa could not hold it anymore and just said: "I am Type 1 diabetes. I am sorry". Eric was shocked...he left that night without saying goodbye to her...she cried all night long...The next morning she found a big bouquet of roses right in front of her apartments' door. There was a note from Eric: "I like you...you are amazing...but you should have told me about diabetes earlier...now it's too late and I do not have any trust in you and our relationship". He never came back and Vanessa always mentions that she has diabetes right from the moment she meets new people.
06/19/2008 09:53 AM
frantark
Posts: 3
Joined: 02/27/2008
I'm sure other people have been in this boat - in the beginning of a relationship, things are going well and not being exactly sure how to drop the d-bomb. I've heard all the blah blah that if it's the right person they will understand. But I'm more interested in hearing what worked and what crashed and burned.
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